There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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