There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
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