just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize