Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
i've created a new STD.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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