The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Randomize
