i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize