I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
