dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Please don't give away my fajitas
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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