1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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