R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
