Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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