Please, let me fuck your mom
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
