Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
