there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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