Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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