im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
