drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
