It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
