Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
i've created a new STD.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
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