We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize