apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
