Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize