he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
