my vag is so smooth its legendary
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
