What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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