He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
