I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i permit you to call me
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize