Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
