I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
she told me i tasted like america
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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