is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
