Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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