Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize