Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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