Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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