What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
