I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize