Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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