I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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