Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guiltš
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Some sorority went āDick or Treatingā at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
