were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
