then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
