Nicole vs. Life
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
