I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
