i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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