Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
