come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
