areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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