A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
