we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize