Dude my mom stole all your condoms
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
