Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
