Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
