it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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