Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
