ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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