i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I would fuck him just for his dog
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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