The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
