if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize