Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
