He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
