I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
