when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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