Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
