Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
