The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
