how can u be prego again
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
