Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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