I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize