the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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