so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
