I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
