the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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