my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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