Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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