we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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