I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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