I am in a vortex of obligation.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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