Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
