I wish my penis had an off switch
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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