ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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