I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We just shotgunned beers for America
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
