And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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