Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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