I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
